Being prepared means that you can handle any scenario, including the possibility that the dead will rise and feast on the living. If you’ve got the delectable brains (which holds true for most of you; no guarantee for that guy who drives in the fast lane at 35 mph) and the appetizing, savory flesh, you are a prime target for zombies during the inevitable apocalypse. You need to be as prepared as possible. The best approach to surviving this invasion is to include both the practical and unconventional into your zombie emergency kit. Here’s what the most equipped survivors need to guarantee their safety:
1. Seeds
After all of the grocery stores have been raided, those with a green thumb will have a clear advantage. Suddenly, organically grown produce goes beyond the hipster shoppers at Trader Joe’s. Fingers crossed, the water will be usable and the sun will shine. Just keep in mind… Winter is Coming.
2. Flashlight
Both literally and figuratively, you never want to find yourself in the dark. Many lists will tell you to have a flashlight, but we’re more practical and suggest one with LED lights, as it uses less energy and shines brighter. Also, there’s a convenient wrist strap keeping your hands free to strike down the first wandering soul that wants to make a four-course meal out of you.
3. Scuba Gear
This may not seem like an obvious choice, but if you’re trying to get away from zombies, it might be smart to jump into any body of water and hang out below the surface for a while. Make friends with the fish à la Aquaman. This is a surefire way to avoid becoming a snack for at least a few hours. When’s the last time you saw a zombie practicing their backstroke? They are not called “the swimming dead” for a reason.
4. Emergency Auto Kit
Picture if you will: You are traveling on a long and lonesome highway, probably listening to Bob Seger, and your battery suddenly reaches the end of its life. Meanwhile, the undead are traveling in the slow lane, as you remain a sitting duck. This can be avoided by being prepared with an auto kit that includes jumper cables, both a flathead and Phillips screwdriver, and electrical tape. Now you can put the pedal to the metal and escape your demise.
5. Crowbar
This is a multi-functional item to have at the ready. It can be used as a weapon, for breaking into an abandoned car or shelter, and as a makeshift hammer for reestablishing your blockade. When you need to force a sudden entry or exit, you’ll want to have a device that can pry through any tightly secured space. Just make sure that you cuddle with your crowbar like a teddy bear because you need to be on the defensive at all times.
6. Deck of Playing Cards
It’s likely that you will spend an inordinate amount of time sitting around, probably with constant tension and nervous glances at your boarded up windows and doors. Whether you’re by yourself or with a group of fellow survivors, a deck of playing cards is the perfect cure to your boredom. Play Solitaire or Texas Hold‘em with friends and bet on who will be the next victim.
7. Phone Charger
Amongst your greatest concerns with the end of civilization as we know it will be access to the basic necessities of life including; food, water, shelter, and a fully charged cell, of course!. Electricity may be scarce, but with a portable phone charger you can make that last phone call to Grandma (if she’s not yet Zombie Grandma), catch one more Pokémon, and send one last tweet to your followers with #fml.
8. Adult Coloring Book
Feeling anxious, alone, and scared? I bet you are. Dr. Phil is probably going to be an early victim, so likely you will have to find solace through some other medium. Our suggestion is an adult coloring book which will allow you temporary bliss during the apocalypse. Mindlessly coloring intricate patterns offers a nice mental vacation from all of that intense adrenaline pumping.
9. Water Bottle
After running from a mob of animated corpses, you will work up a serious thirst. Avoid dehydration with a portable water bottle. You don’t want to be traversing desolate grounds and wishing that you had a drink. Keep your bottle full and your thirst quenched so you can concentrate on engineering an adequate escape plan in any location.
10. Toilet Paper
Poor hygiene is probably the least of your worries, but toilet paper is a worthy splurge for the zombie apocalypse. Pamper yourself and feel fresh as a daisy no matter where or when duty calls. It may not ensure your survival, but you’ll be less likely to chafe when running away, making for a comfortable fleeing experience. It’ll be the first thing to search for in the next grocery store raid.
Any zombie emergency kit is made stronger with the inclusion of these items. By being both practical and original, you will be a step ahead of the other survivors. Remember, it’s important to be prepared and take the necessary precautions to outlive your competition. Good luck on your survival endeavors!
Disclosure: These items do not cancel out pure carelessness, stupidity, or ignorance during the apocalypse. An individual has to be resourceful and cunning to outwit zombies. But good news! The fact that you have scuba gear and toilet paper at your disposal will put you at a higher rate of survival.
